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I don't understand how your pants can withstand the weight of your balls." Simple Pickup's You Tube channel is devoted to picking up girls.

The stars -- Kong, Jesse and Jason -- film themselves on the streets of Los Angeles, approaching random women, making them laugh, then getting their numbers.

Within a week, every guy I knew had either showed me the videos or been sent them by me.

We were enamored with the even-keeled, irreverent way they approached women.

They weren't ridiculous fops like Mystery, the dusty and irrelevant host of "The Pickup Artist," with his feather boas and guyliner.

They looked like the dudes who'd gone to Yale with me -- normal-looking and nice, self-professed former nerds.

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But these Simple Pickup videos -- these guys -- were literally the first time I'd seen proof of pickup artists in real life.

Over the next hour, I watched all seven videos on Simple Pickup's channel, each three times over.

I couldn't quite explain my delirium until I read a comment posted by user Sea Weed Brain013: "You guys are my heroes.

(For those keeping score, Kong has 46, Jason has 36 and Jesse has 43.) While their opening lines vary, they can be bucketed into one of four categories: innocuous questions, fake innocuous questions, direct statements and whimsical remarks. I'm Jesse." Twenty-seven percent start with whimsical nonsense: "I saw your facial symmetry, and I was like, I need to speak with her." Twenty-one percent of their introductions are "real" questions: "Do you know where the nearest Marie Callender's is?

Forty-four percent of their successful pickups use direct openers: "Oh my God. " And 8 percent of the time, they go the fake question route: "Would you happen to know where Starbucks is? I just came here because I thought you were cute." The three amass around 10 numbers in every video; the high-water mark is 17.