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And if my mom is so intent on my having a girlfriend, then why shouldn't she just go out and find one for me? At dinner in Manhattan one night, I set up Tinder on her phone, showed her how to operate it, did some right-swiping (even got a match! I changed the subject.*After I sent her this story, my mom wrote back: “I feel certain we discussed condoms in high school and college... ” Worth noting that “I feel certain” is not the same as “I am certain.” I didn’t know what was most unsettling about these messages—the spam (“which I think were prostitutes looking for business,” she told me); the fact that she thought “aspiring writer” was a good way to market me as an enticing match (she had to reassure one girl, saying, “But I do have a steady job at a magazine right now”); or her enthusiasm about finding a “good contact in case of job loss! She said yes, and so my mom sent her my phone number.