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Sometimes our celebrity brethren need to feel the white hot sting of my bitch-slap o’ advice so badly, I have trouble even typing. Our girl crush Scarlett Johansson, who, until very recently, was married to Ryan Reynolds, People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive, may be hooking up with — guys, y’all might have to sit down for this – Sean Penn. That just kinda made sense.), but this is truly heinous. In this dark march toward whatever it is we are approaching…

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